The little things!

It's the little things you miss when you are in hospital. I've spent the past week in there. Normally I never spend more than 3 days but this time I wasn't getting let loose, even with my tantrums, huge amounts of tears until I got to the point I couldn't breathe, and much not speaking to them and locking myself in my room (No, I am in no way whatsoever childish). I should actually explain why I behaved so badly, even for me. I went into hospital on Friday for two weeks, on two conditions, I was allowed out in the afternoons after physio and IV's and that I was allowed home for the weekend. Monday comes and my consultant and the ward sister walk into my room (never ever a good sign) so I immediatly get put in a bad mood. They then say that I'm not allowed out, and my consultant then has the cheek to turn round and say that he never agreed to either condition the previous week at clinic. They also used the pretty dam mean scare tactics to try and scare me into thinking they were right. Pretty much I had had enough so started screaming and told them to leave me alone. I then ring mum who gets incredibly upset because it's not nice having your 17 year old daughter in tears down the phone to you when you are and hour and a half away in work. So she rings dad. Now my dad is very calm and rational, he normally sides with the hospital on most things. But not this. This he was furious over. Mostly because by the time he had gotten to ring me, a few more members of the CF team had been in to tell me how wrong I was and that I was staying in no matter what. So he was royally pissed at the fact that they had all ganged up on me, changed their minds on a week ago and had left me dissolved in tears scared to death. Me and my mum are the two things that you do not screw with in my dad's life. As much as I can hate him at times he will always be my daddy, the one who taught me how to ride my bike, the one who roll down the big hills with me no matter how muddy they were, the one who passed out when I got my first long line put in, and the one who's cuddles will always make me feel so safe. But he rang the hospital and pretty much had a hell of alot out with them but agreed that they would meet on Wednesday to talk properly, but for now I was allowed out. So they came up on monday night, mostly just to calm me down and keep me company. I was in no fit state to drive anywhere so going out was out of the question anyway. I spent Tuesday not speaking to anyone except having a big falling out with the head physio and my dad telling her where to go and that she wasn't to treat me ever again (yay for that). I spent Tuesday evening out with Cris. It brought me back to reality. Until then I had been living in the CF hospital world bubble. I hate that bubble. It's so unsafe, it leads to scary trails of thought. But just the normality of being out of the hospital environment was lovely. So I went back all ready for the meeting. Picture the scene, me and my parents one side of the confrence table, my entire CF team on the other. Me and mum were reduced to tears by the end of it and my dad was again royally pissed. It did however let all of us vent some of our annoyances with the hospital (ie they enforce segregation yet none of the nurses wash their hands, they say it's good for you but 5 days in and my weight had plumeted to an all time new low and I was in a really bad state mentally). But we did come to an agreement about my treatment. All I can say is bring on the adults. I had decided that I wasn't looking forward to moving, but after this week the sooner the better in my books. I still havn't spoken to very many of my CF team and don't think I will until I leave as they have really pissed me off and upset me.

Hmm that ended up rather long winded but I guess I needed to get it out of my system as it has been annoying me. But update on health, lung functions up a bit (as much as they'd be if I was at home) weight is now at a new all time low (41kg, I can now see all of my ribs and every bit of my spine, its not a nice sight) and my sats are still pretty low. So all in all IV's are not doing a very good job, except proving my point that hospital isn't better than home. Mostly because I'm not going mad at home and heading right back to where I was months ago. They also suggested I see Kate, she is our CF psychologist, instead of Pete. To which I oh so polietly told them to f off that Kate was useless and I wouldn't be here today without Pete. This didn't however stop them sending her down. Que locking of oneself in her room and putting a chair there so even once they unlocked it from their side they still couldn't get in :D So all in all this has to be one of the most pants times I've spent in there. I did however get to meet Drew. Every so often one of us regulars stubles upon a newbie that isn't in very often. it's fun to get to know them and to show them the ropes up there. Drew is 17 and has only been in 3 times, none of which were CF related. So he was pretty innocent in the workings of the CF unit. I think I've taught him well as by Wednesday night he was the one dragging me out of my room to have a laugh in the kitchen, or rather watch him dive though a hole in the wall into the gym. I swear he has the mind of a 5 year old. But it's fun! So he was a positive thing to come out of hospitalness.

I've been away from Kayne for a full week now. Not happy. I intend on calling in tommorow to see him. Mum said he's gotten really big now and is alot more alert which is all good. I went to the disney shop while I was in hospital too. Good job all his stuff is still in my car. My mother may just kill me but I dont care hehe.

Anyway gonna go here waffled on long enough.
xxxx