The past few days have been horrible. My emotions and my body have been up and down like a roller coaster. But at least I'm home now which is something. I went back in on monday, as planned. What wasn't planned was the CT scan, the numerous blood tests and the new nebuliser which is just so vile. Imagine drinking lots and lots of salt water all at once. Only in a vapour. It sucks. It also makes my chest uber tight and my sats drop to a scarily low level. But my doctors think i should keep going as they think it is oh so wonderful. Buggar off how about they try it? Actually how about they try the whole CF, kit and caboodle. They say 'oh it can't be that bad being in here'. Oh really. Have they bloody tried it? No, i didn't think so. So by monday evening i was extremly pissed off, mostly due to the fact that i like warnings when they plan to do stuff to me and add stuff to my already packed health schedule, but also because that place just does no good for an already low morale. Tuesday things went from bad, to completly and utterly disasterous. Ward round. The most evil, God forsaken things to grace this planet. A ton of doctors and nurses staring at you like you are a monkey in a zoo and trying to force conversation. Why the hell do this to us?! The person who came up with it needs a serious talking too. But ward round brought more unplesentries. I was to be starved. I had only just found my appetite again so needless to say i was less than impressed. Simply to find out if i was diabetic, which no, i am not, am i still borderline, i have been for ages now so just leave me alone! They also suggested the ridiclous idea of keeping me indefinatly. Oh no, i had my ideas set on home today, and with much protest and tears on my part i won. Hurrah for teenage strops. hehe. But tuesday night my port went again. I wasnt happy and now they want to replace it soonish as it is causing rather alot of pain-in-the-assness. So i guess it would be easier all round except they want to do it under local. Not very happy as i don't like the idea of being awake while someone cuts me open. No thank you just knock me out.
It was also very strange being in there with no J this week. I was also left the duty of telling Gemma, Paul and Charlene the news. Not a job i enjoyed and i don't want to have to do it again. But we had a kind of night to remember him last night. It was lovely and very emotional. We ended up talking about the memories we have in the hospital and how much it has changed in the past few years. It is actually really upsetting to think that the kids coming up will never have the chance to make the bonds and friendships that we have had. Yes it may be for their health. But honestly i'd have my friends and those memories over my health. I mean i have some life long friends from there, yes i have lost alot along the way. But the hospital has and always will hold some of my fondest childhood memories. I'm actually rather sad that at most a year from now i will have moved on to the adult care. I will miss my team, as much as i moan about them they really are lovely and i know they do genuinly care about everyone under their care. I do however want to move on, to be treated more like a grown up. Not like a 5 year old being told what to do. I know they try and treat me like an adult but it just doesnt work, they sound hugely patronising which just pisses me off hehe.
Anyways i'm going to go and do IV's as i can now make them up myself. YAY go me hehe.
love and hugs
Naoishe
xxx