How fast things can change....

I was talking to both Emma and Tasha about transplants yesterday and if it that was a path I wanted to take. I had decided that no, transplant was not the way to go for me. I was perfectly set on that choice until Kayne was born. Now I am at the exact opposite of it. I want to grab onto any and all hope of life that I can get. I want to see him grow up. I want to see him take his first steps, hear his first word, I want to see him on his first day of school, see him in his first school play, meet his first girlfriend. So many firsts and so much I want to do with him. I'm not ready to give that up, and I don't think I ever will be. This little guy has given me back my reason to fight again. I don't want to be just a picture and just stories, I want him to have his own memories of me, I want to be there every step of way with him, I want to see my godson grow up into an amazing young man. Ok I'm getting really emotional now again but it's funny how much he has changed my outlook on life. How much he has made me realise that I don't want to give up without a fight. So once a date comes through for Newcastle I will go. There are three possible outcomes, 1. They want to list me. 2. I am still too healthy. 3.I am almost ready to be listed but not just yet and they will review me in 6 months. If they say 1 I will jump on the list. If they say 2 or 3 then bloody YAY!!!!!! and I will come home and work on keeping myself as far as possible from that list. I'm hoping that they say 2 but if they don't I think I'll be ok with that.
Anyway I don't really know the point of all that but it made me feel slightly better. I guess that's the reason I blog, to get things out of my head and just there. So they become more real. So am off now to lay on te sofa and watch brat camp in a bit. YAY!
Love and huggles
Neeshy
xxx